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.. half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it ... It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer ... Well, Mister, I told her!”A man tells his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.”“What did he say?”“He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.”“Did that do any good?”“No I can’t get the chocolate to light.”A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.“Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”“You sell them here?” the customer asks.“Only $4 each,” says Green.The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back. “We’d like to Baz, we really would,” Suzie said. “But,” said Baz. “But nothing, we’ll do it, but we want cash,” My daughter said. “Done. I’ve got your number.” Baz said. “Now let me introduce you to my friend Gary, this is his place. “I need to powder my nose,” I said. I picked up Mums mobile. I answered it on the third ring. She was still in the loo. “Hi,” I said. “Is that you Stephanie,” a male voice said. “Yes,” I said softly into the phone. “Look sorry I had to leave you the other afternoon. I hope I left enough money, we, err didn’t settle on a price,” he said. “No, it was fine, thanks,” I said. “Good, look I want to book you again, if that’s alright.” “Oh yes, that would be nice,” I said. He gave me the details. Then added. “Do you have a friend you could bring, you know………” He said. “I’ll pay you both double.” “Oh yes, I have a friend, see you there then………” I pressed the end button. “Mummy,” Suzie said. “Mummy.” “Yes, darling, what is it?” I asked her. She held my mobile..
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